on unknown grit
For as long as I can remember, I've had a recurring nightmare about being underwater.
It's not a typical drowning nightmare, though; I usually start out underwater, or I've at least chosen to be where I am. But as with most of my dreams, the most frustrating rules of the real world still apply, and before long I am dying to take a breath.
I hold out for as long as I can, but I start to lose grip as my muscles scream for oxygen. I give up. I suck in... air. I don't know how it's possible, but I haven't drowned. Fearing that this was a mistake gone unnoticed by the universe, I suck in only the tiniest of breaths to keep myself going. I don't dare breathe in fully.
Then I wake up. To that space immesurably more complex, more dangerous. More unknown.
Growing up, you steadily realize how much more unknown the world has in store for you. But the worst unknown, in my opinion, is whether or not you're capable.
Not just capable of a task, or a job, or of learning a new skill. Capable of taking what life has in store. Feeling like you're running out of air, and that if you stay underwater for one more second you'll drown. But then life throws another punch, and... you're okay.
You worried things would get worse, and they did. You worried you wouldn't be capable of dealing with it, but you were.
I don't know how much I can take, but I know it's more than I think. I guess I'll keep stealing sips of air--and hope the universe doesn't notice I'm underwater.
My website has taken many forms over the short amount of time it has existed.
The first version was rushed and utilitarian; responding to a sudden and urgent need to have a website to represent my online presence. I did a small amount of research into website builders, and settled with Wix.
I had no real problem with Wix--it did most everything I needed it to. However, the amount of money those services tend to charge is quite a bit more than your typical "Oh, I'll just forget about this recurring payment" subscription.
So, I set my sights on the school of the modern layperson and watched a series of YouTube tutorials on basic HTML and CSS.
I'm a bit new to this, but this website is still utilitarian in nature, and so I am trying not to put too much thought into making things beautiful. However, I do want things to be accessible. If you have found something difficult to traverse on this website, please send me a note using the contact info on my about page.
I hope to utilize my journal page more on this version of the website, but I've learned now to avoid making promises in that regard. So, for now, it's until next time.
this is a test post for styling
test achievement please ignore